NORMAL SERVICE WILL BE RESTORED A.S.A.P.

Apologies for not blogging for a while. Both hubby and I have had a ridiculous period of illness since Christmas, just one thing after the other. Hubby has a terrible sore throat and chest at this moment. I myself am bug-free now (at least for the moment) although I am not feeling wonderful - just run down and low.

Anyway, will be back again as soon as all is back to normal.........

PILGRIMAGE

This line is burning
Turning to ash as it hits the air
Every step is a day in the week
It's a Sunday or Monday
A march over months of the year

This life is burning
Turning to ash as it hits the air
Every death is an end in the race
It's a stopping and starting
A march over millions of years

Travel. Arrival
Years of an inch and a step
Toward a source
I'm coming to you
I'll be there in time

This land is burning
Turning to ash as it hits the air
Every line is a place on a map
It's a city or valley
A mark on these miles of fields

Travel. Arrival
Years of an inch and a step
Toward a source
I'm coming to you
I'll be there in time

This line is burning
Turning to ash as it hits the air
Every step is a day in the week
It's a Wednesday or Thursday
A march over months of the year

Travel. Arrival
Years of an inch and a step
Toward a source
I'm coming to you
I'll be there in time

I'm coming to you
I'll be there in time

Take this
Mute mouth
Broken tongue.
Now this
Dark life
Is shot through with light

FOR EILEEN

I am very sad today because Eileen - who has been a faithful commenter on here and a very good friend to me through the difficult days of Sandy's illness and death - is saying goodbye to her beloved dog Amber this evening.

I came across these pet loss videos and decided to post them here. They will make you cry Eileen, so don't look at them if you don't feel up to it. Much love to you and Amber and all youur family.

ONE SCROOGE, ONE SANTA

I began this post days before Christmas, but just did not have time to finish it.  I have updated it and am posing it anyway......

Two very different events took up my attention in the last week or so before Christmas....
 
Firstly, T, the guy I mentioned previously as having upset me on Facebook, was up to his tricks again!

I posted a dog quotation: 'One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.' and his reply to that was: 'Those who claim the greatest affinity with a pet do not see the abject misery of abandonment when they are absent. Such animals have a life of repeated emotional stress. If you believe a dog has feelings then you can't decide when they apply.'

At first, all I said in reply was  'Happy Christmas'!' I also posted a rather cheeky status: 'Bah humbug! Scrooge is alive and still kicking!' Having thought about it for some time though , I decided enough was enough! Posting such a message as his to someone who has lost a dog recently seems to me to have no purpose other than to upset them. It was worse happening just before Christmas too; he really is a Scrooge! 

I did write to him, explaining why I was deleting him and briefly touching on the previous occasions when he seriously upset me (like pulling apart two things I posted on my 60th birthday, but failing to say even one little word of good wishes to me.) I tried to be reasonable in my letter and said that when I visited their house I was made very welcome and that I had liked him then. I also wished him all the best for the future. He never even bothered to reply to my letter, which I think just highlights his lack of respect for me. I am so glad now that he is gone, that I will hopefully never have to worry about his comments again.

My main worry about my disagreement with him is that the old schoolfriend I reconnected with in the spring of 2011 is very friendly with his wife. I do not want to spoil their relationship, although luckily she is supportive and seems to have had her own issues with this guy and in fact deleted him herself, although I do not know why. She says that if her friendship with T's wife is affected by the argument with me, then it means it was not a genuine one. I guess she is right, although I would still feel guilty. Only time will tell what transpires.

Oh well.......

The other thing that happened immediately after the above events had upset me was much nicer, although a little sad too. On the Sunday afternoon one week before Christmas, hubby and I called into a local garden centre for a coffee. As we drove in, we saw that the car park was deserted apart from a car with two guys standing in front of it. There was a board advertising a car washing service. Straight away we could see that the guy nearest to us looked miserable, he had misery written all over his face. It was a cold afternoon and there obviously wasn't much business around, so who could blame him? 

We got out from our car and had to walk past the two guys. My husband somehow got into a conversation about Christmas trees and they told him that all the garden centre's trees (which were not exactly cheap) had sold out the previous week. The miserable-looking guy then volunteered the information that he doesn't celebrate Christmas any more, not since his wife walked out on him four years ago.

What can you say to that? We talked to him for a while and tried to sound sympathetic. My husband started rambling on about how people these days give up on relationships too easily. He then said something about how we could have got divorced several times (can't you always rely on guys to say something nice? lol!). I then made a joke, telling my husband: "It's not too late, you know, I could still get rid of you!" To my surprise, the miserable guy laughed.- and, when my husband wished him a happy Christmas as we left them to go into the garden centre, he smiled and wished us the same. He had a really lovely smile, when he wasn't being miserable. We had really done nothing at all apart from talking to this guy for a few minutes, but somehow I had a strong sense that we had really cheered him up, at least temporarily. He did not seem like the same guy we had seen on the way in.

We went into the cafe there to have our coffee and my husband was delighted because we got a free mince pie to eat with it, as they had over-ordered! We sat there for  some time, happily drinking and munching away and, in fact, got out the cards and the cribbage board and had a game of crib (something we tend to do quite often when we are out and about).

When we got back into the car park it was almost dark and there was no sign of the two guys. As I went to open the door of the car, something made me pause for a moment. Something..... maybe some sixth sense..... put an idea into my head. Before getting into the car, I looked at the ground..... and once inside, I looked around me. Then I saw what I had half been expecting......

My husband got in, after putting something into the boot. "Do you think?" I asked "That those two guys might have cleaned our car for us?" My husband looked surprised. "Don't be silly!" he said, but I pointed out that there was water on the windscreen and told him I had seen some on the ground outside too. Doubtingly, he got out again and inspected the bodywork, before getting back in and saying: "You know, I think they have. There was some bird poo on it that I had been meaning to wash off, but it is not there any more."

As we drove out from the car park, hubby spotted one of the two guys (the companion of the miserable one) driving out too and waved to him. We think maybe he had been waiting to see if we spotted what they had done.

You know, I don't care about cars, they can be big or small, clean or dirty - but somehow that gift of a car wash was probably the nicest gift I had this Christmas. I really pray that the guy's life improves soon and that he never again spends Christmas alone and miserable. I really do not think he deserves to.

MISSING SANDY

It was sad being without my faithful friend on Christmas day. In the morning, I was deleting messages from my phone and came across the ones from our son when we were in Croatia during Sandy`s final days and shed a few tears at the memories. However, with daughter rushing off to hospital and our own illness too, I never had that much time to dwell on my sadness for very long during the rest of the holiday period.

I still cry about Sandy a lot and miss him every day. However, I am not so sad now when I think about the fact he died while we were away. There is still, even a few months later, an air of mystery surrounding the events of those few days. Although I ached so much to be here and hold and comfort Sandy, the things that happened in Croatia ~ the butterfly encircling us, the lizard that came to play, the song we most associated with him being played on the evening of his death ~ all add, even from a distance, a certain sense of awe and wonder. There are so many unexplained things in this life.

One thing that has never been in doubt is the fact that Sandy knew how much we all loved him and that we would never willingly abandon him. I myself told hm every day that I loved him and during his latter days I used to tell him I would love him for ever, even long after he was no longer with us. :-)

Sandy was amazing to have lived so long despite having so many health problems. Alhough he was frail in his last months, he had so much spirit. Just a few days before he died, he enjoyed a day sunbathing in the garden with our son. 

When I read those final text messages the other day, I also came across this one sent by our daughter on the 25th July while we were in Greece, describing how Sandy had got up a really big step into our lounge all by himself: -

Lol! Sandy just came in from the garden up the step by patio doors. He is incredible!

And so he was...............

HAPPY NEW YEAR

It is a belated one, i am afraid! I am writing this on my kindle, from my sick bed. I had a  cold/cough which began Christmas Eve and lasted all week, but seemed at last to have almost gone. Then, it suddenly got worse - or at least, I thought it had until I realised I had acquired a new bug, this time a really horrible flu bug. Who knows if I have bird flu,    tadpole flu or elephant flu (though I think it must be the latter, as I certainly feel as big as an elephant at the moment). Whatever it is, you can take my word for it that you do not want it, cos it is `orrible!

My husband has followed me, catching both bugs on the same day as me. This second one has hit me much harder though - my coughing fits are something to behold! It is odd, because he is normally the one to get a bad chest with these bugs. The other strange thing is where we acquired this latest germ from, as we have literally not left the house for ages. It must have flown in through the window!

Happy new year everybody. It can only get better, surely?

LIFE'S A GAS

Daughter was sent home after spending over four hours in the hospital, because the tests they ran all came back negative. She still has the pain though. We will just have to see how she goes on....

It was a strange day yesterday. We had a very late dinner. Daughter had been complaining of pain for two or three days - but then, she often gets pain and has been to hospital with it in the past. She said this pain was different though and during dinner it got worse. I was concerned when she said it was now a constant throbbing and that it was tender to touch. I told my husbamd to ring the hospital for advice, but they just told him to ring either our doctor or 999. He rang 999 because he didn`t want to wait hours for a doctor to come out as he/she would probably only then send her on to hospital. Anyway, switchboard operator wanted to talk to our daughter and asked lots of questions, at the end of which she was told to ring a doctor. She was in the process of taking down a phone number when there was a knock at the door and - to our great surprise - it was a first response medic. Still not quite sure how that happened!

The medic asked more questions and took her temperature - which was slightly raised. He made it clear he was pretty certain she had appendicitis. The funny thing was, he gave her gas and air for the pain. She was extremely nervous of having it, but in the end loved it because it made her feel very happy! She was very amusing and I am pretty sure the amusing things she was saying brightened the medic`s day considerably.

Because hubby had had alcohol, he was unable to drive and, of course, there are no buses on Christmas day. The medic was pretty sure they would keep her in overnight so, although one of us could have gone with her in the ambulance, we decided in the end not to. Daughter had to get a taxi home which cost her £25.

While she was away we watched a DVD of our son`s called Amores Peros (Life`s A Bitch). It was watchable but pretty violent. There was dog fighting in it and lots of either dead or injured dogs - but strangely it didn`t upset me and I even quite enjoyed the film. All in all, an extremely strange and unusual Christmas day!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Well, it was one up until just after our (very late) lunch..... then my daughter got carted off to hospital with suspected appendicitis. We are waiting to hear what is going to happen, whether they are going to operate or what.

You really never know what is going to happen next. I hope your Christmas is going better........

SANDY - TWO PHOTOS

AM IN NEED OF SOME COLDPLAY!

A RUINED DINNER, A RUINED LIFE

I started this yesterday...... 

My heart is heavy today. I feel sad and upset - and for once it isn`t my childrem causing my pain!

A is a young woman my children know, but she has become our friend too. We met her because she was the girlfriend of M, who used to go to school with my son. Our daughter became very good friends with him too, so he often came round. My kids used to joke that he could never make a decision about even the simplest thing, but he seemed to be quite a nice guy. Then he did manage to decide something - to go off travelling for a year! He ended up spending some time in Taiwan and met A there.

When M came back home, A was not happy at him leaving her and followed him here. M was not too pleased about this and was saying he did not want to commit to being with her, but eventually they moved in together. For a very long time M  kept saying he was still unsure, but eventually things seemed to improve and they appeared to be happy together. A got a job in the place where our son works and made lots of friends. She has such a lovely personality and is warm and friendly to everybody. We love her!

After they had been together maybe four years or so, M lost his job. He was then offered the chance of work in Australia. It was decided that he would go for a while and then, if he liked it there, A would follow later. Once there though and away from the relationship, M`s old doubts resurfaced. Then he met another girl and fell madly in love. This woman was apparently supposed to be some kind of Christian minister and M (an atheist) also `found God`, although whether he retained his new find I do not know! Back here though, poor A was dumped........

I have never known anyone so inconsolable. For absolutely ages, all she did was cry and talk about M. She had time off work with stress. After about a year though, she did seem a bit better. Then about a year ago she started to go out with a guy from work and improved dramatically. They always knew though that, now she was no longer in the relationship with M, she would only be able to stay in the country one more year. That time is up now. A went to Greece to stay with friends there for couple of months and the boyfriend joined her there too for a while. After Greece, A was going off travelling for a while and had spent most of her money on buying her tickets. Then she found out she was pregnant.

A was supposed to come round here with my son for dinner last night (Tuesday). I knew she had been unwell and suspected she might be pregnant, but didn`t have my suspicions confirmed until last night. A was supposed to come at 4:30 as she had a doctor's appointment not far from here. She kept contacting us to say she was going to come in an hour .......... then another hour...... and yet another! In the end, we gave up and ate the chicken curry that had been ready for eons! She eventually arrived after 10 p.m. And she didn't want her dinner when she got here......

She told us the full story when she arrived. She became pregnant in Greece, while her boyfriend was there with her. When she told him, he was originally supportive and said he was going to stand by her...... but then he changed his mind. A came back here (and was luckily allowed into the country, after much questioning, because she had a return ticken.) to try and sort things out. She had to give up her plans to go travelling - and lose all the money she spent on tickets etc - to come here.

It seems that her boyfriend says he loves her and that she loves him. A really wants to keep her baby. But, the boyfriend sounds as if he has a lot of problems with trust. Basically, he doesn't trust her to stay with him and he is jealous of her with other guys. A is a very warm, tactile person and she has so many friends of both sexes. Apparently, her boyfriend was even jealous of her talking to one of my husband's nephews at my 60th birthday party in the summer!

A actually phoned and told her boyfriend's parents about the pregnancy, as he hadn't told them. They were not nice at all (although she had previously got on well with them). They accused her of getting pregnant to stay in the country and even suggested that the baby might not even be their son's. I guess I can partly understand that they would be concerned. It is the boyfriend's insecurities that are causing the real problems though. Apparently he says she is 'too good' for him!

A is an extremely loyal person. She told us that she wants a relationship that will last for ever. She has only ever had four boyfriends and has never cheated on any of them. She just is not like that!

It is the timing of this unplanned pregnancy that is so bad. A has to go back to Taiwan and, at the moment, she is planning to return on Saturday and to have the pregnancy terminated there. She is telling her boyfriend that he has to, at least, go with her and be there with her during the operation and to pay for it. She feels, quite rightly, that it is the least he can do for her. Apparently, unmarried mothers are virtually unheard of in Taiwan; if a guy gets a girl pregnant then he has to marry her! For A it would be even more difficult as the child would be of mixed race and therefore experience major problems because of this. A says she just does not feel strong enough to cope.

We are all so, so upset about all this. We do not believe abortion is right in any situation - but with A, who wants to keep her baby, it is unthinkable. I said to her that she is going to find it incredibly hard to get over this, if she does go through with the operation...... and she agreed. I fear that she will never recover from it. We feel we want to do something to help..... but what on earth can we do, apart from pray for her?

People these days think they can go and have sex as much as they want. They put so much faith in contaception..... yet there still seem to be many unplanned pregnancies. And many abortions...... Nobody seems to connect having sex with a possible pregnancy any more, or to ask themselves what problems they would encounter if it did happen. And nobody seems to think of the baby's rights in all of this.

This is A's baby. She wants him/her..... she would undoubtedly love and take good care of him/her. But now she is going to allow him/her to be cut out, obliterated, burned in an incinerator somewhere ........ just because some stupid guy cannot get over his own insecurities.

I pray that A will not go ahead with the operation. I pray that the boyfriend wil be given the strength to face his responsibilities. I pray that the lives of A - and her unborn child - will not be ruined.

In the middle of our sad talk with dear A the other night, we suddenly smelled burning and discovered that my husband had, for some unknown reason, left the saucepan containing the left-over curry heating up. The saucepan was so burned it had to be thrown away, but nobody was really bothered about the dinner, or the saucepan. What is one burned saucepan compared with two burned and ruined lives?

By the way, I missed out the fact that M  - A's original boyfriend who is now in Australia and who was the cause of A  being over here in the first place - has now been dumped by his girl friend (she met someone else while he was back visiting England in the summer). He is apparently now heartbroken and inconsolable himself!