WHY WOULD ANYBODY ENJOY READING MY BLOG?

I often find myself 'surfing' through new blogs and leaving straight away. I am sure we all do it - in blog land, you are only really as good as your last post. And not every post can be full of interest and excitement.

I have been giving some considerable thought to the question of why on earth anybody would enjoy reading my blog enough to come back again and again - and, frankly, it is a bit of a mystery to me!

I tend to think of myself as a fairly boring person. I am certainly not a universally popular kind of gal - if you happened to be at a party I was at (not that I get invited to parties these days!) you would not find me standing in the centre of a group of people eager to hang on my every word. In fact, you would probably not even notice I was there at all! So, why would anyone who accidentally stumbled upon my blog ever be likely to want to come back again to hear what I am 'saying'?

I have been musing on what it is about the blogs that I read regularly that makes me want to revisit them time and time again and I have come to the conclusion that they all have one thing in common that draws me back: the bloggers all have something going on in their lives that makes me want to know what happens next! I visit one blog where the woman has had several miscarriages and is now pregnant again, so I return to see if all is going well. There are other people with mental health problems or other illnesses and I return to see how they are coping with their lives. I stumbled (pretty much by accident) on a whole group of bloggers with relationship problems - and other people's relationships are always addictive! I go back to these to find out whether the marriages are patched up or ended; whether the affairs peter out, or whether they eventually bring the writer the happiness that they are really craving. I guess that is the other common factor for all these bloggers - they are all (or, at least, have been at some time) unhappy in some way or experiencing some big problems in their lives.

If having problems is a reason for revisiting a blog, then I should indeed be very popular on here as I seem to attract the 'p' word very easy (problems, that is - not popularity! lol!). So, with this thought in mind, I have decided to provide a brief summary of all the problems in my life so that a new reader can decide whether or not he/she might want to come back again and find out 'What happens next?' Here goes.........

My 20-Something, Still-At-Home, Offspring.

(I had to put this first because it undoubtedly represents the biggest problem and source of stress in my life.)

I have a daughter of 26 who left school early (at 15) because she had become anorexic following some verbal bullying by other children. Thank God, the anorexia itself didn't last long but, ten years on, she still gets depressed, lacks confidence very badly and is full of anxieties. Last February, she left her job in childcare and, at the time of writing this, remains unemployed. Her confidence is going down and down - while my stress-levels go up and up!

My son is 29. He has had mostly casual jobs since leaving school at 18, although at the moment he is in an office-type job for an electricity provider. A few years ago, he suffered a violent mugging at a cash machine and had his jaw broken. His love life is somewhat interesting............ he was previously engaged to an Argentinian girl who he went over to see after getting to know her via the internet. She came over here (just after the mugging - the fact that she was coming over helped him recover!) and they lived in a flat for six months. They got engaged while she was here - but after going back she broke off the engagement, although they have kept in touch and son has been over to Argentina a few times since. I think he only fairly recently gave up hope of them getting back together again. Now he has another internet love - this time from Siberia! He has only met her twice (in St. Peterburg) and they became engaged during his first visit. I know very little about this girl.

Our relationship with son is not exactly wonderful at the moment and is getting worse. He has rejected most of the things we believe in. He has a perfect right, of course, to choose not to be the same religion as us - and I am, indeed, glad that we brought him up to think for himself! He takes everything to extremes though. Every conversation with him seems to turn into an argument (he had one with his dad last night about whether people as a whole are weak and easily led or not!). He loves arguing and reckons he can win any argument. He has changed a lot recently and become quite arrogant and difficult to live with. He is a bit like a difficult teenager, even though he is in his 30th year! It is so sad that the relationship with the Argentinian girl broke up - she liked us and that translated into son liking us more too! We were closer to him when he was with her that at any time since.

Anyway, here they are........... my two adult children.......... still living at home....... and full of problems! Will my daughter get a job soon? (Please God! I can't bear the thought of her hanging around the house in her nightie watching TV all day for much longer!) Will my son succeed in bringing his Russian fiancee over to the UK? Will I ever get any time and space to myself ever again? (Oh how I long for just a day or two all by myself, to catch up with some jobs and just to remember who I am once more). Call back again if you want to find out!

Religious Stuff.

I am a Catholic. I believe in my religion. I don't however mix very easily in exclusively religious circles. It all gets a bit heavy for me sometimes! I'm absolutely no good at reading lots of religious books or saying reams and reams of prayers. In fact, prayer is quite hard at the best of times - I guess my concentration levels are just poor! I do try to improve at all these things though and I hope and pray that God loves me in spite of my weaknesses.

A continuing theme behind quite a few of my posts is just how strict and hard on us God is. I see some conflict between some off the stuff written about God (particularly in Catholic circles) and the idea of a more loving, understanding God. I belive in the latter, but still have some serious worries about the former!

Maybe not so much to offer in the 'What happens next' stakes here - but do join me if you understand where I am coming from on this.

Health Issues.

I have had various health problems - including being diagnosed with cancer of the womb almost 5 years ago. The subsequent hysterectomy (in March 2002) went very smoothly and I seemed to sail through the recovery period. In October 2003, I fell and broke my ankle and had to have an operation, followed by six weeks in plaster! I hated being immobile and got really low - for me, it was much worse than having the cancer had been! Still, I survived!

I have had lots of minor health problems recently and, at the time of writing, I feel very 'run-down'. I suffer a lot from what the ladies in a hysterectomy website which I have oft' times frequented call 'cancerhead'. It means that, once you have had cancer every little ailment gets you worrying that the 'Big C' has come back again. I wish I could take a pill and cure myself of this 'Cancerhead'. I hate it!

What happens next? Who knows!

Weight Issues.

I am overweight. I can trace the point at which the pounds really started piling on to an exact time in my life when (in 1993 or 4) I had a D&C (removal of the lining of the womb for you guys!) because the lining of my womb was too thick. This problem (which was never followed up, although it should have been, thanks to the good old UK NHS) probably led on to my getting cancer of the womb a few years later.

I have been a member of a gym since just before my cancer was diagnosed, although I only started really working-out in earnest following my broken ankle (mainly because I had more opportunity then as my daughter had just started her job in a children's nursery). I have achieved so much at the gym in terms of being able to exercise to a level I just never thought possible. I still haven't lost very much weight though! And I'm frankly close to despairing about the situation!

What do I do now? What on earth am I doing wrong? Should I eat less or more? Should I give up my big bowl of muesli that I enjoy so much every morning? Should I abandon the gym altogether and go and live on a desert island with no food apart from the odd coconut for a year?

So! Will I ever succeed in my quest to get rid of my flabby tummy (and thus get really healthy again)? Or will I end up by giving up the whole thing (thus no doubt leaving me feeling a complete and utter failure)? Watch this space to find out!

Just Being Me.......

Is a problem all by itself! I have always been quiet and reserved and people really do tend to write me off as boring and uninteresting. Whether I am or not, you can decide........... but in order to do so, you have to come back here regularly and really get to know me.